Beyond
by DeadManSeven
Summary: After Shinji runs from Nerv and his life on the night of Kaworu's death, he and those he has interacted with are followed into their future. Now includes my commentry and thoughts on the whole Beyond affair.
1. Beyond

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Beyond

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'And my eyes are coloured in white

And your hands are colder than ice

And the walls came tumbling down

And our worlds came crashing around

And the angels fall from the sky

Token angels in disguise.'

Wendy Matthews

Token Angels


	2. Beyond - Introduction

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The following characters, locations and situations are not my property. They are the property of GAINAX and, ultimately, the very talented Mr Anno. They are being used by me with no authorisation, and with no intent for financial gain.

Man, it feels weird to be writing the disclaimer after I've finished writing. A new experience for me as a writer. Anyway...onto the fic description.

Although Mynds has been the longest thing I've spent time writing, Beyond would have to have been the longest in production. The basis of the original draft, a variation on a Shinji/Rei romance, has been floating around since Mynds was in its beta stage. However, it has undergone several revisions and extensions, to become what you're reading now.

Enjoy the show.


	3. 0:1 - Sowing

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0:1 - Sowing

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'From ethers tragic I am born again...'

The Smashing Pumpkins

The End Is The Beginning Is The End

'Memories are fading

A single voice complaining

While days are stacking up

It's hardly worth debating

People are frustrating

Drink from poison cup

The system is collapsing

Conscience is relapsing

The damage as been done.'

Powderfinger

The Day You Come


	4. Beyond - Sowing

Shinji staggered out of his room, his eyes sore from adjusting to the light from the kitchen and peering through a bloodshot rim left by his tears. His head hurt, but that wasn't what was bothering him: the pain that was truly troubling him was his heart. Misato had tried to comfort him, but he had refused to listen and she had not dared to talk more. She had her loss to deal with too, so Shinji's grief from the death of the one who said he loved him was obviously unimportant to her.

Shinji took the pen Misato used to mark in the weekly chores and picked up the pad of paper Misato used to write down notes from the telephone and placed it on the table. He sat down, his eyes now adjusted to the light but not adjusted to his dried tears, and began to write. His hand quickly slashed strokes of kanji across the page before it trembled, and finally refused to write any longer under a barrage of fresh tears.

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Misato, I'm writing this so you don't worry when you see I'm missing in the morning. I'm fine. Please don't follow me. Please don't try to find me. I can't stay here any more. Please tell Asuka I said goodbye. – Shinji.

He read over the last line, and watched in morbid fascination as droplets of water fell on to the text, sitting on top of them for a moment, and then sinking into the cheap writing paper and blurring the ink.

------------------

'Where does this line end?'

'You sure you want to go that far, kid?'

'Yes...I've got the money. Please, where will this take me?'

'That'll get you to the end of the north line. You want a return ticket?'

'No. I'm not coming back here.'

------------------

Gendo Ikari sat at his desk, looking over a report that said Shinji Ikari, his son, had gone missing. Part of him wanted to search for him to bring him back. Part of him wanted to search for him to congratulate him. Gendo thought the latter part was wanting stronger.

In his mind, Gendo slowly ran through all of the situations possible before him. HCP was still an option...but it was a very slim chance. Keel would try, and possibly manage to stop him, now that all of Nerv's protection lay in one Evangelion unit with a pilot suffering severe depression. Too much risk in that...not enough time...if only Shinji had stayed...

Several papers bearing the markings of the JSSDF and the UN passed through his hands, papers that were now demanding a full inquiry into the Evangelion project: an inquiry that was long overdue. One did not have to be a genius to fathom that Seele had halted any investigation beforehand, but now, after the defeat of the final Angel, they were growing impatient, and wanted a conclusion. Keel was a man Gendo had been able to be insubordinate to before, but only because Keel had a use for him, for Nerv, for the Human Completion Project. Now, although he was still refusing to do his will, Keel could now very easily achieve his own goals without Gendo's help. He would be angered at all the time and effort he had wasted on Gendo's cause, but that would be irrelevant if he decided to crush Nerv and anything that stood in his path to bringing on Third Impact. Any prior challenges - the power failure, the Lance, Ryoji, Unit Zero, even the Fifth Child - Gendo had handled it. But for perhaps the first time in his dealings with Seele, Gendo was unsure of how he could come out on top of the situation. To use the gambling phrase, Keel now always had one more ace up his sleeve.

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However, Gendo thought as a new option began to unfold in his mind, _We are still playing with a joker...one I may just might be lucky enough to hold in my hand..._

A circular logo caught Gendo's eye on one of the reports, and an old quote that he couldn't place spoke up in his mind: _life is a wheel...one which no man can stand upon for long._

'Commander, the Committee want to talk to you about...this,' Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said from over Gendo's shoulder, and gestured towards the papers on his desk.

'Very well.' Ikari opened a drawer in his desk, and took out a folder marked with a Nerv emblem on this side. He stood, and handed it to Fuyutsuki. 'Send this to as many people as you can. And then leave the Geofront.'

As Ikari walked away, Fuyutsuki looked at the documents inside the folder. Instead of what he suspected was inside, papers giving a description of the Commander's son to be put up around the city, he saw all the documentation for Nerv's budget over the past six months. Through it all, there was one name that stood out among all the figures: Lorenz Keel.

'I hope you know what you're doing, Ikari,' Fuyutsuki said to himself.

------------------

'Ikari, the Third Child is the key to the Human Completion Project.'

'Yes, he must be recovered immediately.'

'You will order a city-wide search for Shinji Ikari.'

Gendo's eye cast itself across all the holographic representations of the twelve Seele members before he gave his answer.

'No.'

'You will not defy us, Ikari.'

'The Third Impact will not be halted by an individual such as yourself.'

'Your desire for power stops here. Life is a wheel, and you may no longer stand atop it, Keel,' Gendo said, his voice as calm and even as always. His hands left their stationary position hovering in front of his face, and reached down to his third desk drawer. Inside was only one object: a Second Sector issue handgun. Gendo took it and placed it on his desk.

'Ikari...'

'Forgive my sins, my son.' Gendo raised the gun to his temple.

'Ikari!'

'I will see you in Heaven, Yui...'

Gendo's right index finger tightened on the trigger, and a deafening sound ripped through his right ear. He felt his whole body gain weight and become lead, and by the time his blood hit his desk, Shinji Ikari's father knew no more.

------------------

The rain fell down from Rei's damp hair in small droplets on to her nose, running down her face and falling to the ground. Rei ignored it. After climbing the last flight of stairs, Rei walked along the narrow balcony, her footfalls not making noise audible over the rain. She knew that the Commander was gone, the Evas were gone, the school was gone: the only thing that remained was her apartment. She would go there to escape the rain. And then...she did not know.

Her hand touched to the doorknob and twisted. The knob stuck. She hardened her grip and tried again. The knob stuck. Rei placed her other hand and put more of her bodyweight into trying to move it. The knob stuck.

Rei suddenly felt an unfamiliar emotion work its way inside of her. She came to the realisation that she could not reach the things she had left in her apartment...the Commander's glasses. Rationality began to seep out of her mind, and her right hand clenched into a tight fist. Rei then reacted completely on impulse to the emotion that was now a part of her: she slammed her fist into the apartment door, making a hollow bang over the sound of the rainfall.

Instantly the emotion left her, and she realised the futility of trying to knock down her door with her hand, and that the glasses were still trapped, regardless...and that a sharp red pain was pricking across her hand. She brought it up to observe closer, fascinated by the redness on her own pale fingers, amazed that she could have done this to herself...

She stood outside what once had been the door to her apartment for several minutes before realising that she had no place to sleep tonight.

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A knocking on the door made Misato bring her head up from resting on the kitchen table. She was tempted to ignore it, until it came again, this time louder. Disobeying her urge, Misato rose from her chair and walked down the hallway to her apartment's front door, sliding it open. Standing at her doorstep was the blue haired ex-Eva pilot.

'Rei? What are you doing here?' Rei was one of the last people Misato had expected to show up in the early hours of the morning.

'I have nowhere to stay,' she said softly, barely audible over the drumming rainfall.

Misato looked at her for a long time, thinking of Asuka in the hospital, thinking of Toji's missing arm and leg, thinking of Shinji's note, before saying in a voice that wanted to break, 'Come in.'

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The twisting flames of the incinerator beckoned Shinji, wrapping their fiery hands around the bags of garbage he had placed in their grasp. The garbage would be soon reduced to nothing but carbon ashes, unrecognisable from its previous form, one with all the other bags of garbage that had been consumed by the flames before it. Shinji regarded the concept with a rather morbid respect.

From his pocket he took out a small rectangle of laminated paper. He stared at it. His Nerv photo ID stared back. He took one last look at it, and then threw it into the flames, where it sat for a moment before curling and blackening around the edges. Let it become one with the carbon ash, he thought, because it too is now no more than garbage.

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Rei opened the door of Misato's apartment to reveal a man dressed in military uniform.

'Is there a Major Misato Katsuragi at this residence?' he inquired.

'Yes.'

A slight pause, then: 'Can I speak to her?'

'Yes.'

Rei turned and walked back into Misato's apartment. Puzzled slightly by the girl who met him at the door, he followed her inside.

'There is someone here to see you, Misato,' Rei said as she entered the lounge room of the apartment, where Misato sat, idly watching the television.

'Oh?' She then saw what the profession of her visitor was as he entered the room behind Rei. 'Oh...could you clean up in the kitchen a bit, Rei? I might be a while here,' Misato said, instantly falling into a more formal tone than what she would normally use to ask anyone to clean up her kitchen.

'I don't expect this to take too much time,' the man in the uniform said, but by the time he finished, Rei had already left.

'I'll try and make this a brief as possible...'

'Take all the time you want,' Misato said, her voice adopting a chill note to it. The man dismissed it.

'For several months you were involved directly with the super-weapon known as "Evangelion". During this time you were responsible for the command of several operations to counter-strike the offences being made by the beings termed "Angels". Am I correct so far?'

Misato nodded.

'As you know, the Evangelion units One and Two have fallen into the custody of the United Nations Peacekeeping Corps. However...' Misato noticed a visible pause in the man's speech. '...We are somewhat at a loss as to how they work.'

Surprise crossed Misato's face. 'You...you don't know?'

'No. None of our pilots have been successful in being able to move the machines while they're active.'

__

They're more than machines...did you know that?

'So why am I being told this?'

'We need you to assume command over the Evangelion units once again. You are the highest ranking individual that has access to the information we need.'

'But...the Commander...'

'Commander Gendo Ikari is deceased. His replacement, Kouzou Fuyutsuki, cannot be found. You, as Nerv's strategist, are the next in command,' the man in the uniform said, as if the information was well-rehearsed in his mind.

'So...let me see if I understand you. You want me to tell you how to activate a weapon that was condemned by almost the entire human race when it was the entire human race that it was protecting, a weapon that can't be controlled and can't be destroyed, is that right?'

'Well...'

'I think you know my answer. Get out.'

The man in the uniform lingered for a second, and then met Misato's gaze, and quietly left the room. In the silence that followed, Misato could clearly hear the footfalls, her door opening, and her door closing.

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'Tokyo-3 Rebuilding Approved...interesting...' Fuyutsuki muttered to himself, as the clatter of metal wheels over metal tracks repeated in the background over the low hum of noise in the train carriage. A sharp hiss then overtook the metallic sounds for a second, and they slowly softened. Professor Fuyutsuki looked up from the newspaper, to see his the name of his station near the university he now taught at on an LCD display in the interior of the train carriage. He stood, folding his paper as he did so, and exited through the sliding doors. By the time he began lecturing to his first class, the news of Tokyo-3 was forgotten.

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From the bag he now carried with him everywhere, Shinji took out a small plastic card with a metallic strip running along the back of it from a small pocket on the side. He had only dared to use this card twice before, and only to withdraw the barest amount of money he needed to survive for a few more weeks. Both times he had done it as quickly as possible, his eyes always glancing over his shoulder, fearful of an unmarked black van arriving behind him, its doors opening and two men in black suits stepping out, ready to take him back...

Shinji shook the image from his head. He had not been traced the last two times, so by that rule of logic, he would not be traced this time. This time, he planned to take all the money from the account Nerv had supplied the three of their pilots with, instructed to be used only in 'extreme emergency situations'.

He most definitely thought this was an extreme emergency situation.

Shinji inserted the card into the slot provided, and used the machine's touch-screen display to first check how much yen he could take with him. A processing screen appeared.

The breath in Shinji's chest froze for a second when he saw the balance of the account. Nerv had apparently been quite generous with financial support to their pilots. There would have to be enough money to live comfortably for perhaps two years, if Shinji's Economics class served him. He began to work it out in his head, figuring he could take all of this, and when it began to run out, provided he wasn't wasteful with it, he would be old enough to make his own income easily.

Shinji quickly placed his fingers in the options to withdraw the entire account, eager to leave the public area as soon as possible.

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As the newscaster spoke, the maple leaf half and its dogmatic quote that was familiar to Major Misato Katsuragi appeared behind his head. 'And in other news, prominent media figure Lorenz Keel has been allegedly linked with the funding and control of the Nerv organisation, now known to have been responsible for the super-weapons termed "Evangelions", which are now under control of the Japanese Military.' The view now changed to Keel, flanked by two men in black suits and surrounded by reporters.

'Mister Keel, what was your connection to the underground military establishment, Nerv?'

'These documents that talk about funding to Nerv are totally false. There is no way of linking my name with these forgeries.'

'Sir, do you feel this will affect your public image?'

'Absolutely not. In two weeks time this will be revealed as a hoax, and we of Tokyo-3 can all focus on the rebuilding of our city.'

'Lying bastard,' Misato said to nobody in particular in the confines of her apartment.

'Mister Keel, any comment on the Seele organisation?'

Keel's face faltered for a second caught by few and dismissed by most, but Misato could see he was clearly distressed over that last remark.

'No more questions.' The sound of the video footage stopped, but for the handful of seconds that ran afterwards, it showed Keel place his hand over the microphone closed to him and turn to bark something quietly at one of the Second Sector agent by his side. The camera was returned again to the newscaster.

'Other key figures rumoured to be associated with Seele and Nerv could not be found for interview. And now, for tomorrow's weather...'

The picture flashed white, and then faded into a small white dot in the centre of the television set in Misato's living room. Misato left out a single, solitary, contemptuous laugh.

'It's not that they couldn't find anyone willing to talk,' she remarked to the same nobody from before, as she glanced as a letter that had come, bearing the logo of the news station she had been watching and the words "Re: NERV" on the front. She contemplated it for a second, and then balled up her hand and crushed it.

'It's that we don't want to be found.'

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Shigeru inhaled deeply, taking the clean air that came outside the cities into his lungs. He looked around him, at the trees, at the scattered patches of flowers among the grass, at the mountains in the distance. It had been so long since he had just taken a ride out into nowhere...too long.

He strode to one of the trees, whose leaves were hinting at turning a burnt auburn-red and falling, unslung his guitar, a custom-made seven-string that had deducted a substantial amount of money from his bank account several years ago, from his back, and sat. A soft wind touched at his face, and he ran a hand through his hair to clear his vision. The expansive branches of the tree shaded his eyes from the sun. Shigeru took up his guitar, and closed his eyes, his toughened fingertips moving to form the chords and pluck at the strings, becoming just another part of the peace that surrounded him.

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Misato's hand hovered over the button marked 'Erase', her finger extended just over it. In seconds she would bring it down and remove the message that he had left her. It would be such a simple act, only moving her finger less than an inch...

A tear grew and blurred in Misato's vision, and fell onto the seven key of her phone. Her knees buckled, and she fell to the floor, the hand that hung over the 'Erase' button now cradling her head.

'Not yet...,' she convinced herself again through her tears. 'Not yet.'

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The lightbulb, after what Ritsuko estimated to have been about five hours of flickering that had played havoc with the beating inside her head, finally died its electrical death with little eulogy. Ritsuko wasn't bothered; she hadn't been using the light anyway.

Her eyes began adjusting to the dark, and she could make out the contours of the room she was living out of. She knew that everyone associated with Nerv, from the lowest technician to the Sub-Commander, had been payed well when they left...an unspoken thanks for the service they had given mankind: that was how she and countless others had been capable of relocating themselves with little problems.

'Yes, we were payed well,' she whispered into the darkness. 'But was it enough to make up for the pain we all felt?'

Slowly, Ritsuko rose from the bed, and felt her way to the light on the table, her hand passing over an assortment of useless, invalid and expendable objects as she did so. Light came again to the room as her finger turned the switch, and two objects simultaneously caught her eye.

One was a letter marked with a "Redirected" noticed on it. She wondered why she had been so foolish at to even bother to leave any way that the past could come into contact with her future...however, as she often reflected in the small hours, being foolish about things like that had become one of her traits recently.

The other object was a half empty bottle.

After a few long moments of debate, Ritsuko picked up the letter.

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'Shut it off' was the order given. Words that Misato had been waiting to hear for over two months.

The various machines that had been supplying Asuka with sedatives deactivated themselves, uncasting their mechanical glow from the hospital room. After a few tense moments for Misato, Asuka's eyes slid open. Misato then walked into the room, ready to welcome Asuka back to the world.

'Mi...Misato?' Asuka asked.

She nodded. _Good,_ she thought, _What they said about amnesia didn't happen._

'Misato...wh-where am I?'

'You're coming with me...you're going home.'

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Shinji stared at his face in the mirror, making sure that it was still the same face that had been staring back at him from the confines of mirrors for almost fifteen years. He turned his head to the side slightly, while still keeping his eyes locked with that of his doppelganger. He ran the back of his hand along the side of his face, hoping to confirm that he was still him, he was still Shinji Ikari...

However, just like always, it was never confirmed.

His hand touched that of a coarse beard, grown obviously by one beyond his years, but that was only natural, as Shinji was no longer Shinji. Rising still, it touched something hard: it only took a second to register that it was the arm of a pair of glasses. He then traced the arm around to the front of his face, obscuring his vision of himself in the mirror. He lowered his hand, knowing he was going to fear what he saw but still feeling compelled to do so. The face that looked back at him was no longer Shinji Ikari. The face that looked back was that of Gendo Ikari. Shinji had become his father.

The sound of rushing blood was then the only thing Shinji could hear in the darkness, waking from his recurring nightmare. His blood pumped fast, his pores sweated heavy, and his mind raced at lightning speed. As he always did after the dream, he touched his hand to his face again, this time in the comfort of a fully conscious mind, and made sure he was himself again. Shinji took one last deep breath, and lay back down to wait for sleep to find him again. That night, as it did on all the other nights when he dreamed, sleep took its time finding him.

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Kensuke sat at his desk in the rebuilt classroom of the rebuilt school, watching the slow trickle of students come into the room. Some he recognised, some he did not. His mind wasn't too occupied on who was entering the classroom, anyway; his mind was more focused on the application he had put in to transfer from the Tokyo Elementary School to a military collage further north. He had fought with his father for months about it, but in the end he had finally relented to Kensuke's fascination with the army. Kensuke had been planning to join the army from birth, it seemed to everyone, and this seemed to him the perfect way of being assured access. Plus, it have him more practise with...retrieving information from their computer systems. Smiling a little, he went back to gazing at the door.

He watched as Hikari Horaki walked in, with a mixed expression of joy and sadness on her face: the one that gave away she had been to visit Toji in the hospital just before school started. Watching that face, Kensuke could see part of the love she felt for his good friend. It transformed her normal and plain freckled-covered face into something that Kensuke thought was perhaps pure love, with almost ethereal beauty and radiance...

'Asuka! You're back!'

Kensuke snapped quickly out of his thoughts, and watched as Asuka Langley Sohryu, the original Red-Haired Terror, walked into the classroom with a semi-vacant expression on her face, one that didn't even change when Hikari greeted her with a hug. She uttered a very soft hello to Hikari, walked past Kensuke without making any remarks, and sat down next to Rei Ayanami. Kensuke instantly though Asuka was possessed.

'Hey, Class Rep...' he said, calling Hikari over.

'Yes?'

'What's with Asuka? She seems a little...different...to say the least.'

Hikari leant close to Kensuke and lowered her voice. 'Asuka's had a tough time recently, so if you could just be nice to her until she's a little better.'

'Oh...okay. Hey, Hikari...'

Hikari pausing in pulling away from Kensuke's desk and returning to hers. 'Yes?'

'Do you know when Toji's getting out of the hospital?'

The expression Kensuke was admiring a moment ago flashed across Hikari's face for a second.

'Soon...soon.'

------------------

'Asuka? Are you alright?'

'Go away,' came the response to Hikari's words to the bundled up student in the corner.

'Asuka...I'm only here to try and help.'

'I don't need any help.' Her tone suggested otherwise.

Hikari, who had spent the most time with Asuka between the attack of the Fifteenth Angel and before she had been relegated to the hospital, thought she might have some idea what Asuka wanted to hear.

'Asuka...it's okay to cry. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to be...human. That's what we all are. There's no need to keep yourself hidden any more.'

Hikari put a hand on Asuka's shoulder to comfort her.

'And no matter what, I'll always think you're a good person, Asuka.'

Asuka's chest heaved and shook, and Hikari could hear the soft sounds of Asuka letting herself cry in the comfort of a friend.

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'Misato?'

'What is it, Asuka?'

'Do you think I'm a good person?'

Misato turned to face the girl with the hollow expression on her face in the silence of her living room. 'Yes. I do.'

'Even if I can't pilot my Eva?' she asked without taking her eyes off the window that led to the balcony.

__

My Eva...she's calling it her Eva again, Misato thought absently.

'The Eva didn't make you any more or less of a person, Asuka. No matter what you do, you'll always be a

__

daughter

good person to me.'

After a long pause, Asuka finally asked again: 'Misato?'

'Yes?'

'Could you...hold me?'

Misato stood, not saying a word, and sat next to Asuka to put her arms around her shoulders, cradling her close like a mother would to a child who had just woken from a bad dream. She felt Asuka tremble slightly in her embrace, and at about the same time she realised Asuka was crying, she felt the moistness on her own cheeks, and knew she was crying too.

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Hikari paused in the final corridor of the hospital she had to travel through to see Toji every morning as a nurse with an empty wheelchair passed her by.

'Um, excuse me...' she started.

'Hmm? Yes?' the nurse asked, sounding a little puzzled at why his routine had been disrupted by the girl in the school uniform.

'Could you tell me...is that wheelchair for the occupant in...that room up there?' Hikari asked, pointing.

'That's where it's going,' he replied, in the perfunctory way of someone being distracted while concentrating.

'Please...could I take it in?'

'Look, I...' the nurse began, and then he looked up from the chair and into Hikari's gaze. A sigh, then a smile crossed him. 'Alright. Just don't tell anyone I let you.'

'Thank you so much!' she exclaimed, giving the nurse a quick and fierce hug before almost running the rest of the way up the final corridor.

------------------

The morning light had barely begun to break into Toji's room when he heard a knock on the door.

__

Strange, he thought, _The nurses hardly ever knock._

He took his eyes away from the blank television screen that hung above his bed and led them to the doorway, where he was greeted with the sight of a very familiar face, followed by the sound of a very familiar voice.

'I've got a surprise for you, Toji...'

------------------

Rei Ayanami stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Rei Ayanami stared back at her. However, she wasn't sure if the Rei that was looking at her was the same one that had told the former Head of Operations at Nerv she had no place to stay while the rain came down around her. She could almost feel herself changing, growing, becoming, with each passing day. It was a very alien and terrifying experience, yet also it was something she anticipated. Almost all of the memories that had clouded her mind before - a barren room, a giant of steel, a man with glasses and his frightened son - had faded out, and were being replaced with newer, more recent, more correct ones: school, Misato Katsuragi, Asuka Langley Sohryu. Every so often, Rei would think of these people she knew in a different way, and quickly it would dance out of her mind's grasp and be forgotten as déjà vu, a term that Rei did not know of yet but would have no doubt been fascinated with: the idea of seeing an action already performed, perhaps by one's soul in a past existence.

The apartment was silent. Asuka would be at her therapy sessions until night fell, and Misato would be there with her. Asuka also had a support group she participated in, which was for young girls who had been raped. It had been recommended for her when she had still been at the hospital, as what she had experienced was very similar...no, almost identical to rape: the only difference being that she was raped of the mind, not the body.

__

Ridiculous, Rei thought into the mirror. _How can one be raped of the mind?_

But her mind insisted that is was the most apt description, and so she adhered to it.

This was also something that Rei was experiencing new: that of questioning herself and her surroundings. She did not know that she had never done this, only that the concept seemed unfamiliar, stilted. At Nerv, a place that only came to her now in dreams, she had had little contact with the outside world. She lived alone. She knew of only Eva and the Commander. School was irrelevant to her, for it did not matter what actions she took there, as they would have no consequence. But now, in what her mind was beginning to accept as what had always been, she lived with Misato (_Major Katsuragi_) and Asuka (_The Second Child_). Her essence was feeding itself on every experience that she had in her new environment, making her grow, changing her being. Now, if she spoke in the classroom, somebody would respond. If she cooked a meal well, she would be praised. If she stayed silent, Misato would be concerned.

__

Nobody has ever been concerned for me before...it is...nice. I feel protected here. I feel...at home here.

Rei continued to stare at herself until the droning of the crickets ceased as darkness fell across Tokyo-3.

------------------

__

-A year passes-


	5. 0:2 - Flooding

****

0:2 - Flooding

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'To break this curse

A ritual's due

I believe I'm not alone.'

Metallica

Fixxxer

'What do you say?

What do you do?

When it all comes down

And I don't want to come back down from this cloud

It's taken me all this time to find out what I've needed

And I'm doing fine now.'

Bush

Comedown


	6. Beyond - Flooding

Rei looked at her reflection in the mirror, amazed at what she saw before her. Her hair had been dampened slightly and combed back, with only slight wisps of her normally-overbearing fringe remaining. Her lips had been covered in pale lipstick, which now stood out from the rest of her face. Her shoulders were bare except for the thin straps that supported the midnight blue dress Asuka had given to her. The satin material brushed against her skin as she moved. Her feet were propped up on high-heeled shoes.

'So...what do you think?' Asuka asked from behind her.

'I don't recognise myself,' Rei said, stunned, and Asuka couldn't help smiling.

'I only wish...' Rei said softly.

'What?' Asuka asked, mishearing.

'Hmm?' The memory of a face seeped out of Rei's mind, a phantom image that was quickly forgotten.

'You said something...didn't you?'

'Oh...do I have to wear _these_ shoes?'

------------------

Misato opened her door on a tall boy who stood nervously on her doorstep.

'Is, uh, Rei here?' he asked.

'Oh, hi! You're Toshiro, right?' Misato stuck out her hand.

'That's right.' He shook her hand.

'Come in! Rei'll be ready in just a moment.'

'Actually...' came Rei's voice from down the hall. Misato turned around, unblocking Toshiro's view of the hallway, and in turn allowing him to see Rei. She looked...stunning, far different to the girl who had approached him, urged on by her friends, in her athletics uniform, fresh from her training for javelin throwing. The dress she wore made her look...radiant, sophisticated...beautiful. Toshiro only hoped that his jaw had remained in a stationary position.

'I'm ready now,' she said, finishing her sentence.

------------------

'Have fun, you two!' Misato shouted out the door as Rei and Toshiro left.

'Did I miss him?' Asuka asked, running out of her room with a towel still wrapped around her wet hair.

'Mm-hmm. Do you know much about him?'

'Toshiro? He's one of Toji's friends. He plays basketball. He's a bit older than her, too...'

'By how much?' Misato asked from the kitchen, over the sound of a can of Yebisu being opened.

'I don't know...' In truth, she did: Toshiro would turn nineteen before Rei would sixteen, but she didn't want to bother Misato. Asuka walked into the kitchen, and it then registered to her what Misato was wearing: her cut-off shorts and bright yellow top that she always wore around the house.

'You didn't answer the door in _that,_ did you?'

Misato eyed Asuka over her beer can. 'Yes...why?'

'Mi-sa-to!'

'What?'

------------------

Rei leant in close to Hikari from across the table as Toji and Toshiro left and whispered sharply to her, 'Do you think he likes me?'

Hikari smiled. 'Yes.'

'Really?'

'Yes.'

'I'm not...doing anything wrong...am I?'

'No...but you might want to let him put his arm around you when he comes back to the table.'

Rei smiled, and then leaned back into her chair.

------------------

'What're you going to do on the team now?' Toshiro asked Toji. Toji grinned at him.

'I'll be the mascot.' Toshiro and Toji shared a short laugh, but he quickly sobered. 'As soon as I'm free of these crutches, I'll be back on the court.' He looked up at Toshiro and grinned again. 'And ready to kick your sorry butt any time, anywhere.'

'Always so sure of yourself, huh? I guess that's what Hikari sees in you, 'cause I certainly can't figure out what she hangs around such a big dumb lunk for.'

A grin crossed Toji's face again, and glanced back at the table where Hikari and Rei were sitting. 'So...what do you think of Rei?'

Toshiro now looked where Toji's gaze was, and said, 'She's nice. A little quiet, but nice. And _very_ pretty in that dress.'

A few moments were spent in silence until Toji said, 'C'mon...let's return to our lovely ladies.'

------------------

'I had a great time tonight, Rei.'

'Me too,' she said, smiling as she looked up at Toshiro.

'Well...I guess this is goodnight,' he said as they reached the door of Misato's apartment.

'...Goodnight,' Rei said, noticing that they were both hesitant to separate.

Toshiro bent down a little to give Rei a goodnight kiss, a first-date kiss, her first kiss. Their lips brushed for a moment...then pressed together for a moment...and another...and another...

Rei felt Toshiro's hands draw in to hold her close, and she responded by clasping her hands around the back of his neck. She was warmed by the heat radiating out of his body on the cold night as he held her closer to his chest. The door to Misato's apartment pressed against Rei's back as both she and Toshiro found their balance resting against the structure. Their kiss broke, and as Toshiro's lips touched the skin of Rei's neck, she dug her fingers into his back in a sudden burst of lust that had replaced the love created inside of her a moment ago. The kiss outside the door by the glow of the moon had awakened a raging beast of an emotion from inside her heart, one that had gained the taste of blood and craved and hungered for more...

'Rei? Is that you? I thought I heard something out here...' came the voice from inside the apartment as the door slid open. Rei instantly began to grab at the door frame for balance, but faltered as Toshiro was pulled down on her by the tangle their feet made, and finally they both fell on top of each other.

Misato, caught in a rare situation, was lost for words. Asuka, who had come into the hallway to see what had made the noise, saw Toshiro lying on top of Rei, both with a bright red colouring creeping across their faces, and began screaming in mock-horror, 'Perverts! You haven't even finished your first date and you're already on top of each other!' Asuka's furious expression held for a second, and then was ruined by her collapsing into the hallway, laughing and adding to the red flush on Rei and Toshiro's faces.

------------------

'Miss Ibuki? I need you to run these to the copier on level seven.'

Maya looked up from her terminal as several papers were dropped onto her desk.

'Oh...yes, sir.' She hopped to her feet, picked up the folder of paperwork and headed to the elevator. It was a welcome change to where she had worked in her time with Nerv: no sterile walls, no warning signs every five paces, no questioning if you were going to live out the day or not. Maya thought back to the letter in the mail, asking her if she was available to work. The letter had made mention of a Doctor Akagi, and that had brought a smile to her face to know that Ritsuko had personally referred her to them: she hadn't seen her since the Geofront had been sealed off. Maya sometimes wondered what everyone else was doing; she had heard Hyuga say on the morning she heard the Commander was dead that he was planning to catch a train west to Kyoto, to see his family, and that he might just not show up for work after that. She also remembered the Sub-Commander mentioning something about his old teaching degree in conversation a few days later, after the media people had begun to show up. As for all the others...she did not know.

The elevator slowed, and opened its doors on a woman in her early thirties. Her hair way dyed blonde. Her face was unmarked, except for the dark spot of a mole near the corner of her left eye.

'...Doctor Akagi?'

Ritsuko's eyes widened. 'Maya?' She nodded emphatically. Ritsuko stepped aside so that Maya could exit the elevator. Maya noticed absently that in Ritsuko's hand was a coffee mug.

'So you did take the job after all,' Ritsuko remarked. 'I hadn't seen you here at all, I thought the recommendation never reached you.'

'No, it got to me...how did you end up working here?' They had stopped by a desk was clearly the territory of Ritsuko Akagi, as it was covered in small cat trinkets and stained coffee coasters.

'I was sent for personally. Even when you work for a secret organisation, people still find out who you are.' Ritsuko smiled at her humour, and Maya joined her.

'So tell me,' Ritsuko said, taking a sip of her coffee. 'When do you leave for lunch? We have a lot of catching up to do.'

Maya glanced at one of the clocks on the wall. 'Just as soon as I run these-' She indicated the folder in her hand. '-To be copied.'

The two left in the direction of the copy room, Ritsuko setting her coffee mug on her desk.

------------------

Sitting on the desk was a pen, paper, and an article torn from a newspaper giving details on the rebuilding of Japan's capital, Toyko-3. Shinji regarded the clipping for a moment, noting the yellowing colour around the edges, showing its age against the white of the plain paper on the desk. He picked up the pen, and wrote down an address that still came easy to his mind. The pen jumped two lines, wrote down, 'Dear Misato,' and stopped.

Shinji stared at the paper, almost nothing registering in his brain except the low noise of traffic in the background. The pen touched to the paper again, pressing in and making a black dot, before Shinji picked up the letter and crushed it in his hand.

------------------

Toji gripped the bars, feeling their flesh-like composition give way slightly under his grasp. He gritted his teeth, focusing his left arm more than anything else in his body, as it was not really _his_ left arm, but a mechanical duplicate wired into his nerve network. It was a year and a half since he had been put on the waiting list for the operation to have a genetically-grown arm and leg reattached to the twisted stumps the Eva had left with him, and so had to learn how to use the prosthetic limbs in the same manner as a person who is learning how to walk again. Slowly, he rose out of his wheelchair that he used for convenience in the hospital, and was propped up on the two bars. He put his right leg forward, and then slowly took the weight off it and transferred it to his left. The leg was always harder, but something was telling him inside that this time, he could manage to do it, and do it right...

Toji quickly found his internal instinct to be wrong as his left leg buckled under his weight. He tightened his grip on the bars, but in a couple of seconds, he knew his arm would also relent under the stress and drop him to the ground.

Hands, soft and light, rushed to support him, and Toji felt the weight of his body decrease somewhat. He looked up from the floor, and realised he was looking into Hikari's eyes, filled with concern for him.

'You _know_ you shouldn't do that,' she said tenderly, 'Why do you keep on trying?'

'I just...' Toji sank back into his chair. 'I thought I could do it today.'

'Are you hurt?'

'No...it just...it pisses me off so much! Every time I touch something with this hand...'

He raised his left hand from the arm of the wheelchair, and then slammed it back down.

'...I know what I'm feeling isn't real.

Hikari touched the side of his face, caressing it and bringing his view back into her eyes again.

'It will be soon.'

'It's _always_ soon.'

Hikari leaned in close to him to give him a hug of support, close enough so he could smell the sweet scent of the shampoo in her hair. Toji hugged her back...but it still felt as if he was only using one of his hands.

------------------

Asuka tapped her pen against the kitchen table, concentrating on how to word a response to her literature homework. She always excelled at all of her mathematical subjects...however, those that were of a less technical and more creative nature she still had to concentrate to complete. It was good atmosphere for study, actually: the afternoon sun shone through the balcony window, through the living room where Rei was, and into the kitchen, casting an orange-tinted shadow of her across the papers that lay on the table. Rei was listening to a compilation of classical music on the mini-stereo system that had been a joint purchase between them some time last year. From then on, Asuka's collection of music had increase drastically, now that she had something to play it on. Rei also owned a handful of albums, with wide variation between them, opposing and reflecting Asuka's focused taste in music. However, the two of them rarely argued over the subject of music, as Rei was impartial to practically any genre of it (except pop music, the Japanese version of which Asuka despised, so there was a mutual agreement on that ground), and Asuka thought that Rei was the perfect selector of background music...

'Focus on your work, Asuka,' she muttered to herself, mentally scolding herself for her wandering mind.

The distraction had provided her with something, at least. She began to write down the next handful of lines for her homework. A bombastic cannoning of drums signalled the end of the sixth piece on the classical album in the background.

The sound of violins rose up over the sound of pen on paper...a tune that seemed very familiar...

'Ha-llelujah! Ha-llelujah!'

'No...'

'Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Ha-lle-lu-jah!'

Her hand clamped down on the pen she held, turning the tips of her fingers a sickly white.

'Ha-llelujah! Ha-llelujah!'

The pressure on the pen increased.

'Hallelujah! Hallelujah!'

Beneath the notes of the chorus and the violins, the pen made a hollow snapping noise as it broke in two.

'Ha-lle-lu-jah!'

Asuka brought her hands over her ears, trying desperately to block out the noise. However, just like in the entry plug, it kept coming, seeking, invading, searching...finding...seeing...knowing...

Her eyes screwed up, and her hands clenched at her hair, but she was oblivious to the pain that it brought.

'Shut it off! Shut it off! Shut it off!'

For one moment of pure terror, Asuka thought the noise would never end, that she would be trapped in this choral hell for eternity, forced to expose herself to that blinding white light again...and it was silent. The only noise brought to Asuka ears was the sound of her heavy breathing.

'Asuka? What happened?' asked a shocked Rei, who had ran into the kitchen after delivering a rapid twist to the volume dial.

'Don't ever play that song again,' Asuka said, her head laying on the kitchen table, her cheeks hot with fear and moist with tears. '_Ever._'

------------------

'Hikari?'

Hikari paused in the doorway of the classroom. 'Yes?'

'Where was Toji today?' asked Asuka.

'Didn't I tell you?' Asuka shook her head, mildly puzzled, as several other students in their class filed out past them. 'He's going into the hospital today to get his grafting done.'

'Oh, wow! So he'll be off his crutches for good now?'

'He has ten days in the hospital for recovery and physical training. After that...he never has to go back there.'

'What are you two girls waiting for? School has finished for today,' said a passing teacher to Asuka and Hikari.

'Oh...sorry, sir,' Asuka said, and quickly walked with Hikari up the corridor.

------------------

The door to Misato's apartment slid open.

"Rei? You home?' Asuka called as she walked into the kitchen, Hikari following behind her. There was no response, aside from a rustling sound that came from Misato's fridge as Pen Pen climbed out of the flap built into the door.

'She must be with Toshiro somewhere,' Hikari offered, sitting down beside Asuka at the table.

'That must be it.'

'...Oh!' Hikari exclaimed softly as she felt something brush by her leg. She looked down to see Misato's warm-water penguin standing beside her. Pen Pen looked up at her for a moment, and then walked off again.

'What's with him?' Hikari asked. 'Normally Pen Pen's happy to see me.'

'Who knows?' Asuka replied. 'He's weird.'

Pen Pen paused in climbing back into his fridge to turn around and give Asuka what Hikari thought was a dirty look. She giggled as she saw a surprised look cross Asuka's face.

'I've been thinking about giving Toji...a present...for when he comes out of the hospital,' Hikari told Asuka, who was still starting at Pen Pen's fridge.

'Hmm? What sort of present?' she asked, missing Hikari's implication.

'A..._present,_ Asuka...'

'A...oh.' She turned around to face Hikari. 'Are you sure it's...it's the right time?'

Hikari nodded her head, slowly, closing her eyes as she did so. 'I've thought about it a lot...and that's something special I want to share with him.'

------------------

'...Rei?'

Rei heard footsteps come closer to where she sat on one of the bean bags in Misato's living room, curled up into a ball and staring at her legs. She didn't raise her head to make eye contact with Asuka, as she knew her eyes would give away instantly what she had been doing in silence in the apartment: crying.

'Rei? What's wrong?'

'Go away,' Rei remarked, shocked a little by the hoarseness of her voice. She saw Asuka's leg appear in her vision as she sat down near her, and after a moment, it was clear that Asuka wasn't going to leave without an answer.

'Toshiro...he broke up with me.'

'Oh...are you going to be alright?'

Rei took a deep breath. 'Yes...just...let me be alone now, okay?'

A moment passed before Asuka said softly, 'Okay.'

------------------

The rain made gentle liquid noises against the window panes of the house that Toji's family had bought outside of the city. Hikari and Toji, the only two people in the house, sat on an old and faded couch close to the close of Toji's first day after being discharged from the hospital, watching the television in each other's arms but not paying any attention to it. Hikari had planned in her mind that they would go to one of the lookouts at the outskirts of the city and watch at the sun set behind the buildings, but they had been rained out, and had both agreed to take the train back to Toji's house. As the pair broke their embrace momentarily, Hikari asked Toji, 'So...has it been a good day?'

Toji kissed her once more, and said, 'Perfect,' smiling as his eye flickered to the wet window.

They settled back down into the couch to watch another segment of the film showing on the television, both knowing that in a few minutes they would be oblivious to it again...and yet neither minding at all. Hikari was comfortable to lie inside the protection of Toji's embrace for a moment, as the rain made gentle liquid noises against the window panes.

Hikari reached up to touch Toji's hand that was holding her close with her own, and caressed it gently for a moment, before leading it close to her mouth. She felt Toji shift position slightly, bringing them closer together. She kissed the first finger of his left hand, taking it in to her mouth slightly as she did so, and she felt Toji's breath hitch slightly. She moved on to the second finger, closing her eyes, feeling his heart beat stronger close to her. When she opened her eyes again, after taking her lips from the fourth finger, she found herself gazing into Toji's own.

Not a word was spoken between them, as both knew fully what the other would be thinking without the need to speak. Toji questioned by brushing the hair from Hikari's face, and she answered by meeting his lips with her own, confirming and crossing the final threshold.

The two rose in synchronised movements, still in embrace. The silence was finally broken by Hikari as Toji lay her down, as she said, 'Please...be gentle.' Gentle he was, as her kissed her, as he held her, as he entered her, as he loved her, as the rain made gentle noises against the window panes.

------------------

__

-A year passes-


	7. 0:3 - Reaping

****

0:3 - Reaping

__

'It's the nexus

Of a crisis

And the origin of storms...'

Blue Oyster Cult

Astronomy

'And now, grown-up orphans

I never knew their names

Don't belong to no one

That's a shame

You can hide beside me

Maybe for a while

And I won't tell no one your name

I won't tell 'em your name.'

The Goo Goo Dolls

Name


	8. Beyond - Reaping

The morning sun shone through the window of Toji's apartment, cutting a shaft of light across the bed Toji and Hikari had slept in. The first of the two to wake sat up in the bed, and ran a hand through her hair, noticing as she did so something different. Hikari brought her hand down to look at it, noting the difference of a golden band around her finger that caught the morning light. She stared at the ring Toji had given to her last night, down on his knee, formal and sincere, that sweet and passionate side that only really came out when he was with her. A smile crossed her face in the early morning.

__

I'm getting married...Mama would be proud of me.

She leaned down to give Toji a sweet kiss while he still slept, and then lay back down in his arms.

------------------

'Hello, Katsuragi residence.'

'Hi, Asuka?'

'Hikari! Hi!'

'Guess what? I'm getting married!'

------------------

Shinji stood in the line to sign in to the university, waiting and watching the other students in order to avoid being bored. His attention was currently occupied by a girl in the front of the line beside his. She had long brown hair with a tint of red through it, which she kept tucking behind her left ear, revealing the fair skin tones of her face to Shinji. She spoke with a European accent, which, while not being heavy, seemed as if it would be able to revert to its native language quickly. This girl was reminding him of Asuka, someone he had not thought about for...for a long time. On the rare occasion that he let himself remember that part of his life, she was one of the-

'Excuse me?' asked the woman behind the counter. Shinji was now first in line.

'Oh...I'd, uh, like to sign in...'

She handed him a series of forms. 'Fill these out and submit them to the main office before the closing period stated at the top of the cover sheet.'

Shinji took the sheets, and when he was filling them out in his apartment, he would remember the brown haired girl and, in a non-focused daze, write down the wrong information under the heading of "Current Address".

------------------

'Asuka, could you get the mail?'

'Already doing it.'

'Is there anything for me there?'

'No, nothing I...'

'What? What is it?'

'What's this...?'

------------------

Rei gazed out of the window, watching the scenery around her, all passing by at roughly ninety kilometres per hour.

'You should slow down, Asuka,' she remarked.

'Will you relax? This is a major highway,' Asuka said, in a slightly off-hand manner, as all her concentration was being taken by the road ahead.

'Do you know where we're going?'

'Yes, I know _exactly_ where I'm going...'

'Does Misato know where you're going?'

'...Well...I...left her a note...'

Rei glanced at Asuka. 'She is going to be so pissed that you took the car without asking her.'

An odd expression crossed Asuka's face, and it was clear to Rei that Asuka hadn't thought this idea through in the slightest.

'That won't matter to her, when she sees who we come back with!' Asuka finally said triumphantly, after being under Rei's uncomfortable eye for several moments. Rei decided to leave the conversation alone on that note; she wanted Asuka to have her full attention on driving, as she had seen how Misato looked whenever they had been driving together, and was beginning to get the idea that Asuka may one day be as notorious for her driving skill as Misato was for her cooking. She turned her gaze back once more to the passing road, and turned her mind to the person they were looking for. She remembered Shinji, but only vaguely, and in a very odd way. It was like she could only remember anything about him once she heard it: her mind was not able to make the connection to other information she had stored about him...perhaps in the same way an amnesiac feels after they have woken in a hospital bed in unfamiliar surroundings. She could remember what he looked like, the way he spoke, but Rei could not remember under what circumstances they had met, or even how she had acted towards him when she had known him. There was a memory, of him being in a place she didn't remember, and her thanking him for something, but the memory was incomplete. Where was this place? What was it she had thanked him for, and why had it been so significant?

Rei shook her head. There were days when she felt this way often, almost as if she _did_ have amnesia, as there was much of her past she couldn't recall. But Misato had never mentioned anything about it, and neither had Asuka, or anyone, and so Rei simply accepted it. It wasn't a burden, merely an inconvenience...and after living with Misato Katsuragi for almost four years, she was sure she had enough lasting memories to make up for the ones she felt she had lost.

------------------

Shinji ran the back of his hand over his cheek, still feeling a slightly rough texture under it. He picked up the disposable razor that lay on the sink and drew it down his face again. Razor back on the sink. Hand back to the face. Still there. Shinji grimaced into the mirror, and he brought the razor down this time with more pressure than his skin could handle, as it cut through it, leaving a red flow following the blade. He quickly placed pressure it to stop the bleeding, inhaling at the sting he felt on his face.

Which now felt smooth under the back of his hand.

------------------

Asuka, after about half an hour of navigating through city streets, pulled Misato's car to the side of the road in the shadow of an old apartment building. She turned to Rei, who was gazing out the window at it.

'So...this is the place,' Rei said to the building.

'Yeah...let's go in.'

------------------

Partway though buttoning his shirt, Shinji heard a knock at his apartment door. He ignored it. The knocking came again, this time stronger and more rapidly. He walked to the door, and asked absently, 'Who is it?'

'Shinji?' came the reply. 'Shinji Ikari?'

'That's the right address...what do you want?'

The second he heard the voice from the other side of the door identify itself, a million memories rushed from Shinji's subconscious, all fighting to be part of his current thoughts.

'It's Asuka...Asuka Sohryu...'

The grip he had on the doorhandle, which he had placed his hand on to open for whoever stood on the other side, now increased greatly. His heart rate became rapid, his breathing shallow, as the past leapt out of his dreams and into his mind.

------------------

Rei looked at Asuka, who was waiting apprehensively for an answer to her name. Asuka glanced at her, as if to ask for direction on what to do now. Rei did not know either.

'Shinji...?' Asuka asked again.

'Leave! I don't know you!' came the reply, startling both Asuka and Rei after the silence. The man's voice that had spoken before was gone, now replaced by the trembling tone of a child Asuka knew well indeed.

'Shinji...'

'Go away! I'm not coming with you! I'll keep running forever!'

Something in Rei's mind spoke up: repeating of the words, 'I mustn't run away...', words she had forgotten that Shinji had ever spoken.

'Shinji,' she asked the door, 'What is it you're running from?' Asuka paused and looked at Rei, trying to figure out the motives behind the question she just asked.

Shinji's voice held for a moment, and then spoke back: 'My...father.'

'Shinji...your father is dead.'

For a long moment, the balcony was deathly silent, as Asuka and Rei awaited an answer. Finally, Rei heard the sound of a lock being unlatched, and the door opened.

'Then why are you here?' Shinji asked, as uncertain as Asuka remembered him as.

'We'll explain,' she said, and as Shinji moved from the doorway to let them inside, Asuka thought briefly of how Rei had managed to turn the situation so easily, despite not being able to remember almost anything past four years ago. She dismissed it as a lucky judge of character, and began to take off her shoes.

------------------

Shinji's thoughts were mixed on the ride back to Tokyo-3. However, that statement was like saying Misato Katsuragi was not very apt in the kitchen. The fact that he had just found out his father was dead still shocked him, despite how often he had wished for it. How many times had it been? How many days spent wondering why he was still in Tokyo? And how many days after spent trying to forget them? A low lull of fear was at the back of his mind, after being away for four years. Would everyone want to ask him, question him, interrogate him, as to why he ran away, when the answer was so clear? Would they be disappointed in the fact that he had failed? Then if they were disappointed, why then did they seek him out?

------------------

Rei, for the duration of most of the ride back in, watched Shinji do much the same thing she had. He would stare out of the window for a moment, and then quickly glance away, as if a dark idea had entered his thoughts, and he was trying to shake it from the eye of his mind. She felt like she remembered watching him do this...seeing him seem so alone, so afraid of what surrounded him, and wanting him to be much stronger, like...like...

Rei mentally cursed whatever it was that was making her forget.

Her eye traced the line of his jaw, which was now hard and solid, compared to that of when he was a child, around to his short hair. She looked at his profile for a moment, and finally realised that there was something missing from it. Something was making the face incomplete.

__

Glasses, Rei thought, _He's missing glasses._

------------------

The apartment block was still there. It had been rebuilt in the heavy reconstruction of Tokyo-3, of course, over the four years that Shinji had spent away, but that fact didn't enter his first impression. The apartment block was still there.

__

But there's one occupant that isn't, he thought to himself.

From here, carefully counting up to the seventh floor, he did not know if he could see the apartment or not. He still remembered the right room number, the right floor to go to, the right number of doors to walk past. Maybe even the right number of stairs to climb.

Why could he still remember all this at a place he had only spent one night in, when it had taken him almost three weeks to be able to recite the address of Misato's apartment? Why was he able to find his way here with ease, when if he wanted to walk anywhere else in the city, he would be lost in the teaming crowds? Why did this reconstructed apartment block conjure up so many memories?

'Because he was the only one to have ever said...'

Shinji turned away and walked, his head filled with sounds, images and parts of the past, that all eventually faded under the steady beat of his shoes upon the concrete.

------------------

'You'll be alright with sleeping in the lounge, right Shinji?' Misato asked.

'Yes...that'll be fine,' Shinji said over the table.

'I can't believe you...you've gone back to being as formal as you were when I first met you.' Misato, over a can of Yebisu, gave him a look. 'Chill out, will ya?'

'Well...it's not easy to do that...'

Rei listened to the conversation carrying over the makeshift table Misato sometimes used in the lounge room from her comfortable position on the floor, while pretending to watch the television. She was a little surprised at what Misato said next.

'You want a beer? It'll calm you down.'

'What?'

__

Misato sounds a little more drunk than usual, Rei thought. _Maybe she had a couple of drinks when it started to get dark and Asuka wasn't back with her car yet._

She smirked at that thought. Asuka had managed to find her way well enough, but when the sun started to touch the horizon on the way back, she had gotten a little panicked, and they had spent a good half-hour on a stop on the side of the road checking where, if at all, they had gone wrong. Asuka obviously wasn't as good a navigator as she claimed to be.

Misato's loud laughter drew Rei's false attention to the television away. Shinji had apparently given into Misato's persistence, and had taken a sip of her drink, only to promptly screw up his face in disgust. Rei, in spite of herself, let a laugh slip out.

'I'm going to get a drink of water,' Shinji announced, a slight flush crawling across his face. Rei, with a fading smile still on her face, turned back to watch the television, now giving it her full attention.

------------------

The sound of a car driving past the apartment drew Shinji's attention to the ground, several stories below. He watched it drive up the street, its headlights casting a white glow onto the street. He continued to observe it drive up a hill into the distance, its red tail lights finally disappearing into the night.

The sliding of the large glass door that led to the balcony drew Shinji's attention elsewhere. He saw Rei standing in the doorway, with a slightly nervous and hesitant look.

'Can I join you?' she asked. Shinji turned back to the street. Rei came out and stood beside him.

'I never did this enough when I was here,' Shinji remarked. 'It's very quiet...it's very peaceful.' Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rei nod in affirmation.

'Shinji...' Rei started, her voice trailing off. She swallowed, and then spoke again.

'Do you ever get déjà vu?'

'Do I ever what?' he asked, confusion showing in his voice but not his face, as he continued to look down.

She leaned next to Shinji on the guard rail. 'It's French. It means...feeling like you've done something before, when you're doing it.' Rei glanced at him for a second. 'Does that ever happen, Shinji?'

'No...not really.' His gaze remained unchanged.

Rei now stood back up, and looked back down at the street, and remarked quietly, 'I get it a lot.'

She thought that what she had just said was the first thing Shinji had really taken notice of, as he lifted his head off his arms and stopped leaning all of his weight on the balcony railing, to stand and visibly pay some attention to her.

'What about?'

Rei took a small step closer to him, saying, 'Things...' She cast her eyes down, and said softly, 'You.'

'Me? But...' Shinji quickly stopped, as he was now confronted with Rei's eyes locked with his. For what seems like eternities, not a word was said, not a muscle moved.

Rei's instincts gripped her, and she drew herself close to Shinji, her head tilted slightly. There they both waited for another moment, perhaps for Shinji to stop Rei, perhaps for Rei to stop herself, and then, their lips embraced. Rei's heart beat harder in her chest, and she went to move her hands around Shinji's back, except...

__

Except he's not kissing me back.

He's nervous he's surprised he's in shock he hates me I was wrong...

Shinji pulled back from her with open eyes, filled with a look of confusion. Rei's hand rushed to cover her mouth, whispering into the night, 'I'm sorry.'

Shinji watched her run back inside, still with confusion in his eyes.

------------------

Asuka watched Shinji chew his toast at the table in the morning, slowly and deliberately, with his head lowered. She would occasionally glance across to Rei, who's glance was focused somewhere on the walls. Every so often, the one of the pair would look at each other. Once or twice in these instances, they would catch each other's eye, and then quickly look away.

It was beginning to get annoying.

'What happened to you two last night?' Asuka burst out, slamming her fist in the table. Both Shinji and Rei jumped, startled, as what seemed to be a guilty expression crossed their faces.

'Nothing!' they replied in unison.

'Don't give me that! You can't even sit here and _look_ at each other! What did you do last night?'

'Nothing,' Shinji repeated, as Rei stood up from the table. 'I'm leaving,' she quietly announced.

'Hey. Hey! You can't leave! Come back here! Rei? Rei!' Asuka jumped up from the table and followed her, remaining very audible throughout the apartment, leaving Shinji to finish his breakfast.

------------------

'That's _it?_' Asuka asked, disbelieving. Rei nodded slightly, her head lowered.

'You kissed him?' A nod.

'And you're _this_ worried?'

'Look, could you just leave me alone about it?' Rei shouted, glancing up angrily at Asuka.

'Alright.' She sat down on the bed next to Rei. After a moment of silence, Asuka asked, 'Why?'

'Why what?'

'Why did you kiss him?'

After another moment of silence, Rei finally replied, '...I don't know.'

If Rei had been looking at Asuka at that point, she would have seen the stunned expression on her face which, under different circumstances, or even the same ones, would have been remarkably comical.

'You...don't know?'

No response.

'Why don't you know?'

No response again.

'Well...I guess I can see why you're worried.'

------------------

The car was quiet. Asuka, from the back seat she shared with Rei, would every so often glanced at Shinji in the front, and then to Rei, and then to Shinji again. She smoothed and brushed phantom crumbs off her dress, the silence beginning to make her nervous. Glancing at Shinji again, she recalled Hikari's voice on the telephone, when she had told her about Shinji. She had been so surprised, and she had said jokingly that she should postpone the wedding for the reunion. Asuka had said that five people wasn't really a reunion, after sharing a laugh. That was when Hikari had told her that there was going to be one more student of the 2-A class at the wedding: Kensuke was able to conveniently arrange leave for a week from the base he was stationed at. She had tried to imagine Kensuke's untidy hair shaved into a uniform army cut, as she had on the day he had left the school, and a smile crossed her face. That same smile made its way back to her in the car, and it didn't seem as silent.

------------------

'I do.'

'I do.'

------------------

Rei stood aside from the collection of people spaced out on the dancefloor, a glass in one hand. She was watching Shinji and Asuka, enough to know only what they were doing but not enough for it to be overtly obvious. Although the image that had come to her on the balcony of her and Shinji kissing seemed right, so did what she was seeing before her; the two of them, together on the dancefloor, standing so close, yet thinking almost nothing of it...

And yet she also thought nothing of it. Whatever it was that had made her walk onto the balcony that night, it was now telling her that this was the way it should be, the way it was going to be.

__

God...I'm going to go mad by the time I'm twenty, Rei thought, and took another sip from her drink.

'You look like you're really concentrating on something,' she heard Kensuke say from beside her. 'Mind sharing?'

She looked across at him, no longer trying to see the boy's face that was hidden behind his short hair and contact lenses. 'No...not really.'

'Well...okay. But if you won't tell me anything...can I ask you something?'

Rei's eyebrows raised slightly. 'What would that be?'

Kensuke smiled, extended his hand, and asked, 'May I have this next dance?'

Rei smiled at him, accepting his hand, and the pair of them walked out onto the dancefloor.

------------------

Shinji contemplated the bed on the floor of the lounge room, the images of the wedding still in his mind. He had heard Asuka tell Misato that Rei wouldn't be at the apartment tonight, and Misato had already gone to sleep, so he and Asuka had stayed awake for a while longer, talking about the day that had passed, the years that had also. That was a completely foreign experience for him, as in all of his memory of Asuka, he couldn't remember any of their conversations lasting longer than five minutes. Now, the light in the kitchen turned off behind him, and he heard the shuffling of feet.

'Goodnight, Shinji,' Asuka said, looking back at him in the dark.

'Goodnight, Asuka,' he replied.

She disappeared into the darkness of the hallway, and Shinji lay down to sleep.

------------------

__

I'm home.

You're the Third Child, right?

Welcome home.

I have no time to waste on an insolent child...

...The Commander's son...

That...bastard.

Do it!

I mustn't run away...

Don't you have faith in your father's work?

I mustn't run away...

Good work, Shinji.

I mustn't run away...

Good work, Shinji.

I mustn't run away!

------------------

Shinji woke, inhaling sharply. He had almost left the nightmares of his past behind him, but now, returning to the familiar environment of Misato's apartment, he had half-expected them to come back instantaneously.

What he did not expect was how reassuring the apartment was in the darkness.

He sat up in his bed on the floor of the lounge, his eyes rapidly adjusting to the darkness, and ran his hands through his hair. Breathing deeply, he lay back down, staring at the ceiling, until finally realising that he wasn't going to get back to sleep any time soon.

------------------

And the light was so bright. It was the light of God. But it always brought the Devil to her.

__

We have to be good now...

Mama...?

__

We have to please your father, Asuka...

Mama?

__

You see that girl in the corner, Asuka?

Mama..._I'm_ Asuka!

__

That girl isn't coming with us...not yet...

What's wrong with you, Mama?

__

But she'll be coming with us soon...

Stop it Mama! You're scaring me!

__

You'll come with me...You'll die with me...

No!

__

Live with me...and die...

No! Mama, no!

------------------

'No...' Asuka whispered in the night, her eyes flying open to see nothing but darkness around her. For a moment, the only thing she was able to focus on was her breathing, shallow and rapid, until it finally slowed itself. She then realised that her hand was gripping her pillow tightly, still through waking from the dream. Releasing it and inspecting her face, her fingertips touched moisture in the corner of her eyes. This was the way she had woken from almost every dream she had ever had about her mother; frightened, crying, and feeling very alone.

Asuka sat up, and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She stood, and walked out of her room, feeling her way until her eyes were able to perceive vague objects in the apartment.

She had never liked the dark, anyway.

------------------

Any location, regardless of its position in the world, would always look completely different at night than it did in day. The lack of lighting, creating all manner of fiction to the observer's eyes, remaining until the light returned. This was something Shinji had been considering for several minutes, having just realised that the coat fallen at the base of the large pot plant in the kitchen was not Misato's pet penguin. However, as much as the darkness was able to fool the eye, it always had a hard time fooling the ear. This was something Shinji did not realise, when he thought he heard his name being whispered, until Asuka sharply hissed at him from the doorway, 'Idiot! Is that you?'

Shinji lifted his head up off the table, and saw a shadow that seemed to be overlooking him, despite being several feet away. 'I wasn't paying attention...sorry.'

'Still always sorry...' Asuka remarked, but Shinji was pleased to hear her say it, as he could hear the smile in her voice. Shinji saw Asuka's hand reach out to touch the chair sitting next to him. Once she was sure of where it was, she pulled it away from the table and sat beside him.

'Couldn't sleep either?' he asked, taking his gaze back to the doorway.

'Bad dreams,' Asuka replied, and the curtness with which she replied made Shinji think to quickly change subjects.

'They looked...nice today, didn't they? Toji and Hikari?'

'Yeah...I guess.' Asuka sighed. 'I don't think I could do what she did, though.'

'What? Get married?'

'Yes. Get married. I don't think I could do it.' She rested her head on her crossed arms.

'I think I'd be too afraid.'

Shinji looked across at her. 'What if you found the right person?'

'That's what I'd be afraid of. That there _is_ no right person.'

Shinji, as he watched Asuka speak, found himself observing the rise and fall of her lips...

'That it's never going to be perfect.'

...The way the very scant light in the apartment showed the lines of her face...

'That's what Toji and Hikari were today: perfect.'

...The way a small strand of hair was falling across her face. Asuka brushed it away from her view, and something inside Shinji from a past he thought long since dead awoke again.

'Sometimes I wish it could...' Asuka paused as she turned her head, to see Shinji watching her. The strand of hair that Asuka had tucked behind her ear now fell back into place, and without even considering, Shinji brushed it back for her. He tilted his head...

'...All just be...'

Inches away, Asuka accepted Shinji's approach openly. For a second they waited, and then simultaneously, closed their eyes, leaned in closer, and kissed. For a second there was nothing but the sweet taste of Asuka's lips in Shinji's mind; everything else didn't matter. It had all been forgotten. It was, for lack of a better word...

They separated, both letting short sighs escape their mouths, and as Shinji looked at Asuka in the darkness, he completed what she had been saying.

'Perfect.'

------------------

Hikari woke to the sound of blood pumping rhythmically in her left ear. For a second she associated it with her father, and how he used to hold her until she slept, after her mother had died. She then noticed that her view of the world, which had been slanted at an angle, was slowly rocking back and forth. After a moment of observing this phenomenon, she realised that it was from Toji's breathing, her head resting on his chest, her arm falling across the skin of his stomach.

A hand brushed through her hair, and rested lightly under her chin. Toji's hand. Hikari looked up at him, into his deep brown eyes, at his warm, open smile.

'Good morning,' he said softly, and leant down to kiss her. Hikari welcomed his openly, holding him tighter as their lips embraced.

'Oh my God,' she said, a slight smile crossing her face and a large spark lighting in her eyes. 'Where _did_ you learn to kiss like that, Mr Horaki?'

'Well, I don't know,' he replied, Hikari's smile becoming infectious, 'But I'd be happy to teach you.'

------------------

__

Why is the light so...bright?

...Where am I?

Ouch...my head hurts.

Rei's eyes slowly opened. Snapped shut from the blinding light. Opened again. Closed again. Rolling over, she saw out of her blurred eyes the digital readout on the alarm clock: six fifty-three. She tried rolling back, but the light was still too strong.

She ran her hands through her hair, leaving them to rest on her face, where she slowly spread her fingers, peering out from the cracks they made. Her head hurt, and felt so unimaginably heavy. Taking in the little bit of the room that she could see, she didn't recognise it. She didn't even remember getting here...

Or any of last night.

That thought made her sit up, sluggishly, once again remembering her head.

__

Think back.

The wedding. Toji and Hikari's wedding. The...

__

The champagne. I must have...

As if on cue, she heard a noise with her in the room. Rei lowered one of her hands, looking with one eye to see a vague figure standing at the foot of the bed. He was buttoning up a shirt. He realised she was awake. He turned around.

'Good morning,' Kensuke said, with a guilty face and an ashamed voice.

'Oh my God...' Rei lowered her other hand and let herself fall backwards onto the bed. After a few moments, she felt the weight of the bed shift. Kensuke was lying next to her.

'Um...did we...?' she asked, hesitant.

'Yeah...I guess.' His voice had now changed, as if they were both talking casually about something that had happened to them long ago...which, in a funny way, was what _had_ happened.

'Did you...?' Rei asked, a tone of concern now making its way into her voice.

'Yes.' A note of humour crept into Kensuke's voice. 'One thing they teach you in the army is to be responsible for your actions.' Rei smiled at this, but it seemed the humour was a little forced. For a few more moments they lay together, contemplating in the silence.

'So...'

'So...'

'Can I have my shirt back, please?'

A laugh. 'Yes...turn your back.'

------------------

The stirring next to Shinji drew him gently out of his sleep. He opened his eyes, and firstly began to question why he was lying on the floor. In a quick flash, his mind made the connection of what had happened to him in the past day: The wedding, the apartment, Asuka...

Asuka?

He slowly scanned the room, finding that Asuka had woken up before him, and was now standing in front of the glass door that lead to the balcony, which still had its curtains drawn. She had her back to him, and so hadn't realised that she was being watched. She stretched her hands up above her head, and Shinji saw that the light wasn't playing games with his eyes, and Asuka hadn't put her shirt back on yet. She turned around, her face screwed up in her morning stretch. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted with the sight of Shinji, his arms behind his head, gazing passively at her.

'Good morning,' he said, with a slight smirk on his face.

'Oh my God!' Asuka exclaimed, quickly folding her arms. 'Shinji! You..._pervert!_' Her anger was spoiled by the fact that her last word was beginning to break into laughter. Shinji smirk grew into a grin, but was cut off from becoming fully-fledged laughter from a bean bag aimed at his head. He managed to move his hands quickly enough to intercept it, the grin still on his face. Tossing the bean bag across the other side of the room, he was greeted by the weight of Asuka's body on his, and her face, menace on her lips but laughter in her eyes.

'I'm sorry,' he said, and as he reached to kiss her, Asuka's pretence of anger dropped, and she met him, almost savagely. Shinji could feel her breasts gently pressing against him as they had in the night, and as Asuka broke their kiss and lay down beside him, her arms holding him close, he was for the first time in coming back to Tokyo-3 completely sure about his choice to do so.


	9. Beyond - Exhumation

_This is, I guess, an FFN exclusive, because I haven't published my Beyond afterthoughts anywhere else than here. This is also the first time I've used HTML for my work, and the last time I am planning on editing in the chapter system._

-After reading through Beyond, it became more apparent to me that I could imply a Rei/Shinji relationship, which I further played on. It didn't happen, of course, unlike Mynds, but I like this a bit better.

-I believe Rei and Asuka are pure equal and opposite, in both character and their uses in fanfiction, and in turn this and Mynds are peers of a similar nature. You could consider them symbols themselves, of my believes on Shinji/x romance.

-Sowing, Reaping and Flooding came from the ancient Egyptian cycle of the Nile River, and the title of this chapter, Exhuming, came from the term used for opening up tombs. They have nothing to do with Evangelion whatsoever.

-There are a total of seven references in Beyond to the number seven. Tell you what, if you find them all, e-mail me.

-Mynds may have been my longest piece in writing, but Beyond is my longest in development. It was originally only set four years in the future, and was initially planned as Shinji/Rei rubbish. It was scrapped very swiftly.

-There are a few classic Eva phrases woven into several of the characters interior monologues. Once again, if you spot one, drop me a line.

-In case anyone else was wondering why the Evangelions were under jurisdiction of first the UN and then the Japanese Army, its not a plothole. I did do it deliberately...however, like the infamous Mr Anno, I shall let you make your own minds up as to why.

-When Shigeru is in the countryside, he sees the leaves as a burnt auburn-red. Notice something else that it could describe the colour of?

-The image of the mirror is particularly strong in Beyond, because of how I see Asuka and Rei, and Beyond and Mynds.

-I often suffer from extreme hits of déjà vu. Because of the odd nature of my favourite character's memory in the latter part of the story, so to does Rei.

-Who is it that Rei thinks of when she looks in the mirror? That's for me to know, and you, my readers, to debate over.

-Rei's kiss...many people are of the nature that, under all her coldness and unfamiliarity with life in general, Rei still is a teenage girl. In this instance, I would have to agree with them. It's just that her social development comes in leaps and bounds, and not in a nice and even teenage moody sulk.

-I had a pre-reader tell me that Asuka having therapy was a first for them. I would have to agree, because in many (actually, almost all) continuation fictions, Asuka does not change very much, and gains the strength to face life on her own terms. I believe that she would have been able to do that...but only with Shinji there for her. As it happened, I'm quite please with how Beyond worked. There characters in Eva are all so well-fleshed that it's a criminal shame to write their futures and leave them static. In my humble opinion only, of course.

-However, Toji and his prosthetic limbs are nothing new. But I think that Hikari nursing him is a very cute image.

-Hints of a Maya/Ritsuko relationship? You decide.

-I particularly wanted to put a bit of underlying Eva references in the scenes where Shinji rejects writing his letter and Toji almost falls while in his muscle training. Not that it's absent everywhere else, it's just that the Thirteenth Angel is something I feel very strongly about.

-Have Rei liking classical music was my excuse for getting Asuka to listen to Handel's Messiah, but I genuinely think that she'd take to it if she was the music-listening type. Shinji, I'm not too sure about, he might have a little R.E.M., some Live, perhaps a little Travis or Moby lying around. Asuka, on the other hand, is clearly a huge fan of Rammstein.

-I have this funny little tendency to under-use Pen Pen (apart from Tears, but that's besides the point). I can never seem to think of anything that he can do that translates well from the visual to the verbal.

-There are several sketches and pictures of Shinji as an adult available online, both official and by fans, and it was through looking at all of these that I saw how much people interpreted Shinji as growing to look like his father. This was the inspiration for Shinji's shaving scene, before Rei and Asuka find him.

-Asuka no longer refers to herself with her middle name. I won't pull an Anno on this one...if you thought I did that because it gave her a bit of humility, you're wrong. I did it because Asuka using her full name to introduce herself really, really pissed me off.

-I considered having Shinji need glasses, but in the interest of Rei's sanity, I decided that he inherited Yui's good eyes.

-I believe that the one thing all of the Eva characters need was best expressed by Freddy Mercury: Can't anybody find me somebody to love?

-Just for the record, I prefer a rum-and-Coke to a beer any day, and believe Shinji had every right to go and get his cup of water.

-I was personally quite surprised at the number of people I knew that did not know what déjà vu was, and so, Shinji was added to the list.

-Misato's balcony...perhaps the most famous Evangelion earmark for WAFF (apart from Unit 02's entry plug...*cough* Evanjellydonut *cough cough*), especially between Shinji and Rei. However, in my version, things did not end in a paragraph-long kiss...

-Eva applies a lot of minimalism in it (see when Misato and Ritsuko attend the wedding in Lie And Silence for a good example), and ever since Mynds I have tried to incorporate this technique into my work.

-A small note: in Shinji's flashback dream, there honestly were no wavering lines symbolising each character.

-I worked a rather long time to try and get Shinji and Asuka's kiss...what's the word...perfect. I had the picture perfectly in my head; however, at times, the best way for conveying something like it is with a visual. Nevertheless, I think I didn't do too shabbily.

-After reading over the last paragraphs, I not only noticed that almost all of my repetitions come in threes, but that I also might be a little too obsessed with repetitions...

-If you're really enthusiastic about avoiding spoilers, and you really like my work, you might want to just stop reading right now. If a final word on Beyond gets written, I will state in it that Shinji and Asuka went their separate ways, but Rei still writes Kensuke a letter to his base every week. And, of course, Hikari and Toji will still be happily married with a little boy.

_Until we read again..._

Derek Zischke

Zischke In The Jar Productions (c), 2000-10-17 (2001-02-06)

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~lox18/Index.htm

deadmanseven@optushome.com.au

"Do you suffer from long-term memory loss? I can't remember..."

-Chumbawamba


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